My Recovery Story

Progression of Symptoms (Why me?)

My symptoms began when I was very young—just a nervous elementary school girl with frequent tummy aches, allergies, and anxiety. I often thought of my upbringing as “normal,” though what does normal really mean these days? I know my parents did the best they could with what they had, but throughout my childhood I absorbed a lot of their anxiety, stress, and fear. In our family, emotions weren’t often expressed or talked about. As the oldest of three, I carried the pressure and responsibility that role can bring. Shy and unsure of myself, I did my best to appear as though everything was under control, quietly holding in my worries and emotions the best I could.

Towards the end of high school I developed chronic back pain and started seeing a chiropractor. The more emotionally upset and fear driven I became, due to unhealthy relationships, school, and social pressures, the stronger the symptoms became. I looked for emotional fulfillment in always needing a boyfriend. Some of those relationships actually did more damage than fulfillment but in the moment I wasn’t aware. At the very end of high school I had chronic symptoms of back pain, dry eyes, rosacea, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), sinus infections, anxiety, asthma and allergies.

Next were my college years which were definitely some of the happiest years. I remember experiencing more joy and felt like I was a part of something special. I had some improvements in symptoms but they were always still there. It was like a roller coaster really, with symptoms and pain correlating to how I was coping emotionally and relationally in life.

Then came marriage. I remember telling my husband, before our wedding, to be sure he was ready for a relationship with someone who had so many health challenges. He didn’t think much of it at the time. After getting married and having children, new symptoms appeared, while the previous ones persisted. I believe this was a combination of relationship turmoil, the challenges of becoming a new mother, ongoing repressed emotions, and the stress of a demanding job. I recall one particularly painful year when my back was so tight that I couldn’t lift my arms fully, couldn’t lie down without pain, and found work nearly impossible. After an MRI, I was diagnosed with a herniated disc.

One day, my chiropractor asked me, “Are you sure you haven’t been in some kind of accident? How did your back get like this?”

I answered, “It’s like this because of anxiety.”

He replied that it was impossible.

But I knew deep down it wasn’t. Every time I was stressed or going through a hard time, my back tightened and the pain worsened. Still, I began to second-guess myself when chiropractors told me it was caused by the herniated disk and misalignments.(Recent studies have proven this simply is not true. The majority of people pulled in studies, like the Boulder back pain study, have herniated discs show up on MRIs but don’t experience pain. Herniated discs are a natural happening as we get older. Most people have them. There are various reasons for those who experience pain. But the finding of a herniated disc is not typically the reason for pain. Since that is what doctors can blame and physically see, it is the reason given to blame for pain.)

My rock bottom occurred while I was a Special Ed elementary teacher, which was an enormously difficult job. Note* If you are already hypervigilant and suffering, it’s not a good idea to put yourself in a high stress environment! But I was desperate for a change and not able to think clearly. Soon I was on antidepressants (because that’s what doctors would tell you is the answer) and I felt like I was losing my sanity. The victim mentality was my constant state of mind and I felt like no one understood me. My husband couldn’t relate and all he saw from the outside was anxiety and a protective wall up. I was trying so desperately to protect myself but in all the wrong ways. It seemed to me that I was failing at my marriage, my job, and motherhood. My enjoyment for food was lost when I was told to go onto an extremely strict diet in order to avoid the many food reactions I was having. People were always noticing my symptoms (like a bloated stomach and vibrant red skin flushing). I went out of my way to inform everyone what was wrong with me, not realizing that by doing so, I was actually creating more fear and reinforcement of symptoms. Mind-body symptoms can reach a point to where you are literally creating disease within yourself due to all the turmoil and constant fear loop. I truly felt like I was breaking down over time. I wanted to quit my job and just run away from life. The last symptom, the one before I started my healing journey, was when I got an anal fissure due to years of IBS. This was the most painful thing I ever experienced and I became fearful of ever using the restroom. I tried to cope with it for over 3 years in hopes of avoiding surgery. The more I resisted the feelings and symptoms, the more they persisted. I continued praying to God for an answer. But I felt like He was very distant and it was only one sided. I prayed with hope but not faith. Eventually I asked the elders at my church to lay hands on me and pray for healing. Days after that prayer, I came across mind-body education.

After reading up on it, I knew without a doubt that this is what I was dealing with. It wasn’t bad genes. I wasn’t the unlucky one with tons of health issues. And I no longer needed to search for yet another doctor. The ability to heal was from within and a change in lifestyle, mindset, and belief.

The Power of Mindset

"What we focus on the longest becomes strongest. Our brains eventually believe whatever we tell it, whether in thought or word". .... Proverbs 23:7 ... “As a man thinks in his heart, so he is”.

Our brains are neuroplastic. This means that we can change the neural circuits, beliefs, and mindset. What we think dictates everything, including our health. I realized that when I held onto negative and fearful thoughts, I was putting my mind and body into a state of constant fear (fight or flight). I would go down the rabbit hole of all the “what ifs” and imagine the next bad possibility that could happen until my body started crying out to me in symptoms and pain. Unfortunately I wasn’t aware of how I was torturing myself. I learned awareness is the first step to healing. I decided to no longer entertain and hold onto the thoughts that were hurtful and destructive. I allowed them to pass by and become neutral towards them. I lived in the present moment.

My brain also associated symptoms to certain foods, environments, and stimuli. For example, whenever I ate yogurt, I became bloated so I avoided yogurt. I later realized the sugar and other artificial ingredients in the yogurt were the cause of symptoms, not the dairy. Once I calmed down my nervous system enough and had a healthy mindset, I was able to eat any food in its natural, most purest form, including plain yogurt with no problems. There was a time I convinced myself I was unable to pick up my toddler to put in the car seat because in the past I “threw” my back out from doing just that. Before I knew it, I was afraid of all kinds of situations and stimuli. Eventually I was able to break these conditioned thoughts and responses.

The Stubborn Ego and the Personality

Most people don’t truly understand what the ego is. The ego is the part of our psyche which experiences the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the world through perception. Is our perception of life always true or good? Our ego and personality develops greatly on what we observe and learn in childhood. For me, the stronger the learned fear became, the more my ego became controlling, self centered, and protective. My ego reacted and made decisions based on others' judgement and fear of failure. At the very root of my fear was fear of being alone and helpless.

My people pleaser and perfectionist behavior looked like always avoiding conflict and getting things done ahead of time. I would tend to rush everything and cut corners, because of anxiety and pressure, and if anyone gave me criticism, I viewed it as “getting in trouble”. I was terrified of authority figures mainly because of low self esteem and observed behaviors and experiences from childhood. Growing up I watched my dad’s fear and anxiety of the workplace and authority figures. During my first job teaching, I had my principal lecture and criticize me during a meeting for a mistake I made on a student’s reading level. Over time this fear only grew along with physical symptoms that came with it. When I experienced this type of fear from others, my back tensed up with pain and my skin flushed bright red all over (or broke out into red spots) my chest and neck. To me, this was humiliating because now others were able to see what was going on inside of me, and I couldn’t hide it as well. Another personality aspect that I developed was the victim mentality. Being so overwhelmed with physical symptoms and feeling downright awful created the desire for others to feel sorry for me and adjust or cater to me. If that didn’t happen, I would be offended. All these parts of me were destructive yet hard to realize when I was in the thick of it. Throughout my healing I came to discover how important it was to find my true self, which was buried.

The Loco Medical System

The majority of the medical system is trained to fix our bodies, as if they are machines. The problem with that is, our bodies don’t always need fixing, rather, they need support in allowing the innate healing to take place. After beginning mind-body practices, I learned how important it was to wean off supplements, medications, certain beliefs, chiropractors, and specialist doctors. Being solely dependent on these resources or methods only reaffirmed my mind that something was physically wrong within the body, which wasn’t true. These approaches are only band aids and not addressing the root issues. I weaned off medications, supplements, and doctors within two years. It wasn’t until I received a new health insurance, that no longer accepted my specialist doctors, that I had no choice but to give them up completely. This change in insurance was an answer to prayer because shortly after giving up the unnecessary treatments, I realized I continued to get better on my own through mind-body practices and belief. That isn’t to say I didn’t experience any symptoms ever, but I was able to overcome the symptoms when they would flare up on my own. Unfortunately, the medical system is trained with a quick and easy pharmaceutical fix instead of trying to reach the root of the problem in people. Even homeopathic doctors tend to give supplements that don’t address the root issue of the brain, mind, and nervous system. I spent over $10,000 on doctors, chiropractors, and homeopaths that only provided short lived relief.

Relationships and the “F” word…Forgiveness

As I’ve grown in my healing journey, my relationships have grown as well. Once my own inner alarm for protection and survival began to soften, I was able to connect more deeply with my kids, my husband, and my friends. It’s still a work in progress, but learning to let go of the things that once bothered me has created a much healthier atmosphere for everyone. When I was living from a protective ego, I saw forgiveness and restoring peace as weakness—as if it meant losing a battle. What I didn’t realize was that holding onto resentment only created more internal stress and became a major block to healing. With practice, letting go gets easier. It truly is amazing how natural consequences of people’s actions take care of themselves. I began each day with a fresh start and letting go of the past hurts. If I viewed a problem worth fighting for, I discussed it in a calm and healthy approach. Choosing peace is almost always more powerful and healing than staying upset. Safety is not the removal of threat. Safety is the connection to Self, God, and others, even in the midst of painful experiences.

Connection to Emotions and Life Source

For a long time, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to change, to build a personal relationship with God, or even to receive from Him. When the body and mind are stuck in overdrive, holding on to repressed emotions and living in constant fight-or-flight, our physical and mental systems simply can’t function as they should. We slip into survival mode, living on high alert and often feeling trapped in a victim mentality. To truly receive and be open to change, the first step is calming both the mind and body.

I love the parable of the sower from Matthew 13. In order for us to receive from God and produce a crop (like faith) we must have good soil. If we have rocky soil (due to sin, hurt, unrepentance, emotional turmoil, etc.) then the seed (the Word of God) cannot take root in our hearts. But when we do prepare our soil (getting in the right headspace and healthy regulation) the seed (the Word of God) will take root. The next step is to nourish and care for the seed daily in order for it to grow and flourish. That takes work and commitment. What was truly the turn around for me was a combination of calming the mind and body, emotional release, renewing the mind, and having unshakable faith. True faith is an unwavering belief in God and his promises. An unquestionable belief that nothing was structurally wrong with me and it was all mind-body. I knew without a doubt, I was going to get better in time.

I am grateful for the trials I went through with mind-body syndrome. I now understand Romans 5: 3-5, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” I know God wasn’t the one who gave me those trails but used them to test and make me a better person. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.

This journey of healing and renewing my mind has opened my eyes to truth and reality. It revealed the false self I had been living from and showed me that there truly is a way out. Healing is possible—if you’re willing to commit to the process and believe in it. If you’re seeking support and guidance on your own path to renewal, I would be honored to walk and support you along the way. Get excited, because you will thrive again!

Chiropractor Treatment

Dry Eye Procedures

Blood Ozone Therapy

Routine Allergy Testing